bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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