all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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