As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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