Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
