when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
