Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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