So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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