So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
