Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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