Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
