we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drunk is not a location!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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