doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
