If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
