He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
