You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
