I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
