WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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