You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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