theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
