Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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