I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
