Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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