my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
