Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
