Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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