she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
