Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
