I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
