I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize