I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
