Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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