oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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