I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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