some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
