Jerry, you need to find god
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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