at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
