Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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