I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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