How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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