But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
