I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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