i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
