I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
