I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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