He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
