I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
