Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
