hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
