i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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