seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize