I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want a musical about memes.
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