how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
