We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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