Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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