he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
