Too much gin, very little bucket
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
