im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
