she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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