hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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