There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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