He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
