Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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