i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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