you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
