the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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