It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize