How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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