he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
