it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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