My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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