We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
