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hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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