i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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