Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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