Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
