Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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