I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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